The bigger asshole

I have been hate blogging recently and it's really bothering me.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SUCH A BITCH IN MY LIFE..
until now.

I don't know why i'm being mean to everyone.
I feel like it's my second nature and being president of an organization oppressed me to different things such as this one, being mean to different people. I suddenly ran out of patience with people's bullshit. I had enough. I want things my way.

I know that i need to change soon but right now,
this summer time,
allow me to take in the heat of the sun and just let the steam out.
I think I need this. I need to be real. I need to be true even just for myself.

I may drop some 'friends' along the way but this way, i'm lessening the baggage.
forget the people who hurt you.
forget the people who don't care.

I know that I can hurt a lot of people,
but i'm choosing my own happiness now.
You and all else shouldn't matter.

I can't be too nice anymore.
I want to be selfish.
if you can't deal with that, then go on without me.

I need an Advil

We met in the most 'unromantic' place life has to offer. Our set of friends are huge bastards, including you, and we both know that we are the people that we should not trust. I know that you are this type of guy who goes for the pretty one or the skinny one. You know that I am looking for a long term companion, something that is way different from your ideals, or even morals. We know that you have slept with a gazillion girls (okay, I may be exaggerating a little bit) and you know a lot of those stuff I refuse (yet) to explore 'cause I'm not yet ready. I have this feeling that one of these days, while we are making-out, we will eventually do IT. I know you feel the lust too. BUT I'M SURE THAT I'M NOT READY TO GIVE UP MY V-CARD JUST YET. 

You know that i am a challenge while I know (knew) that I only like you in a friendly way until that day when we made-out while playing this game called...

We are both difficult, we are both busy and I refuse to be your first priority as you are not my. You are a jealous lot though the weird thing is that you never bother to check up on me every hour, thank God. You respect my time and you understand when to disturb me and when to comfort me and when to tease me and oh dear, I'm fucking missing you right now as i'm typing this.  

I know that I'm being selfish but I really want to be blunt about this. I wasn't straight forward then but It's never too late to tell you these things. I don't want expectations with no basis at all. I want a clear status between us and when I was confused about what 'us' is, I said goodbye and you found yourself a girlfriend. That was deep shit. I was hurt. You motherfucker. Then, you said bye bye to that woman because you said that it wasn't working out because it was really me that you wanted, and you still want me.

Oh God knows how much I want you. I really do but i want something else too and I want it more. I really want to graduate this year and I want no unnecessary things to bother me, include a very hot you. I know that what we're doing (flirting and anything in between) is wrong for both of us and we must stop real soon.

I can't believe i'm saying this but I think i'm being unfair.

Like I said, you want things I can't give you, knowing that, I know you will not be 100% happy.

i don't know how long this will last but let me tell you something,
i love our late night convos,
i love Mrs. Potato Head
i love hanging out with you
but I'm not yet, and I don't know if i'm going to be, in love with you.

I'm not playing any games here. I want everything clear. 

hating your stinking guts

okay. i'm writing this because i refuse to do this PI 10 timeline shit, i don't know how to, not yet anyway, and I don't think you guys will be able to read this anyway. Okay, maybe i wish you do read it.

You guys frustrate me. 

I semi-hate the four of you right now.

I know it wasn't right to consult other people, especially my very biased friends, but I had to ask because maybe it was just me, but it wasn't. you guys are tad too selfish.

I was upset by the fact that I didn't get invited to your Iron Man 3 shit and I was upset about not getting invited to Cathy's slumber party. Okay. I totally sound shallow but just look at it this way, I was in the tambayan with you guys, talking about those shit and not once did you even care to ask if I (not only Me but the others too) would love to hang out and watch a movie with you.

You guys did asked once though, A week before the day of the premiere and I said I was interested,

You never asked me again. 

Right now, I sound like a self-centered piece of crap but that was you guys did, was really insensitive.

I'm not done with my endless rants.

You are kinda living in this bubble in which the only entities allowed are the four of you. Yes, I have never felt this left out in my life in UPAEMS since a month after our finals in 2009. I tried reaching out. I really did but I'm kinda fed up now. Insensitive pricks. 

Well, I can't hate you because I love you guys too much but I don't like you guys right now and I think I don't want to be your friend as of the moment.

I just hope that you make others feel WANTED AND INCLUDED.

Have a nice day. 

Jo Villanueva ‏@iwantjo Protected account1 May

Please don't get used living in your own little bubble. There are other people too. At least make them feel like they're included. (via twitter)

Groupmate Issue

WHAT THE FUCK.

Okay, here is the thing. We have this class in Agricultural Economics SOMETHING and in our recitation class, we were assigned to a particular group with a fix set of groupmates all throughout the semester and all of us are required to report a specific topic related to our class discussion's topic. Unfortunately for me, I only had a partner and we were assigned to the last group whilst others are a group of three but really, It wasn't a big deal. That wasn't supposed to be an issue. 

The issue is that I had a 'graduating' person as a groupmate partner. I don't know why but I feel like this subject is the least of her concern or it was just faith that everytime we had a report due, she has an exam the same day or she was just damn too busy. She is enclosed in this bubble in which there is a limit to her contribution, and this was because of a lot of reasons; whether she has to gather data for her thesis, she has an exam the next day, she blah-blah-blah whatever. I'm pretty sure she's aware that she have done least in our reports, and let me remind you, there is only the two of us to finish our reports; and yes, it is plural because she kept on doing the same thing over and over again. If she haven't noticed, after our first 'group meeting', I refuse to meet her again especially whenever she tells me that she has an exam tomorrow or whatever because the last time we met to do a report, she was busy doing her thesis/reviewing for an exam stuff. She was distracted. I mean, damn, I was there, trying to think what to write for our report and she was there trying to help me think but then she'd turn to her notes and study. I JUST WANTED HER FULL ATTENTION, If she knew that she couldn't give me that, she should have made her synopsis on our report prior the day before our report.

After that meeting, I usually just ask her to send me what she have researched on. The first time we did that, It was okay, I used her sources and I added mine to our report. I finalized our report. The second time I asked her to do that, She sent me a copy-paste info that I have already researched on and  it was really lacking information. I had to add a lot of important details for HER report (there were two topics which enabled us to divide tasks). At the end, we ended up reporting and passing a "copy-paste" crappy paper. Then for our last report, which is today, SHE SENDS ME A FUCKING LINK. I'M A FUCKING COLLEGE STUDENT. I CAN FUCKING RESEARCH ON MY OWN. I'M NOT FUCKING STUPID. WHY WOULD SHE FUCKING GIVE ME A FUCKING LINK? I WANT HER RESEARCH MATERIAL SIMPLIFIED AND ANALYZED. I WANT HER STAND GIVEN THAT YOU HAVE A SOURCE TO BACK-UP HER STAND. I WANT A SYNTHESIZED MATERIAL FROM HER. SHE'S A FUCKING 'GRADUATING' STUDENTS AND SHE HAVE DEALT WITH A LOT OF FUCKING GROUP REPORTS, SO WHY IS SHE GIVING ME ALL THESE BULLSHIT? 

What? I know I know I should have complain right in her face but what the fuck, we're friends but we're not the kind of friends where I can say that her work lacks quality and look, we're friends, so why would she give me that kind of crap? She always apologize and say 'babawi ako jo, sorry.' but look where it got me, I expected and I got nothing. She should have done her part. I am so pissed at her. I'm fucking busy too, please stop being selfish. If she really is a fucking graduating student, she should know how to fucking manage her time. *exhales*  

a little crush

'cause I just can't tell.

http://talesthatishanttell.wordpress.com/2013/03/03/a-little-crush/