so this is what they call pain.

         I've been talking to Xy for two months now, he broke up with his last girlfriend for more than two months. A week (or two, i think) after they've broken up, He asked my friend to help him find a way to contact me, and my friend, feeling cupid, agreed. She asked me to eat breakfast with her and no matter how early it was for a sunday morning, i couldn't decline because she just had her heart broke, which was true, and she told me she was paying for our meal. When we arrived at SB, she told me that she saw Xy inside and asked me if I wanted to leave, I don't know why but I said I don't. 

(that's why I wasn't so angry with her meddling because she gave me an option whether or not I wanted to see him.)

         Before I even stepped inside the coffee shop, I knew he was going to  talk to me but I still chose to go inside. 

I can't finish this yet. I thought I was ready but it looks like i'm not. 

I am hurting.

Hello?

         Hello blog! How have you been? It's been so long since the last time you've heard from me. I really missed you. I'm sorry for not making enough time for you. I know, I know. I know that i got so much time in my hands and I'm wasting it on nothing. *loud sigh

         I've been very emotional lately. I don't know if i'm hormonally imbalanced or if i even have hormones, but I've been an emotional wreck. I feel like i'm always on the peak level of happiness and i'm at the pit of my sadness, but i'm crying most of the time. Even annoying commercials make me cry and I don't know why. I feel like I have this great pain inside of me that i can't release no matter how much I try, it's just in there constantly appearing in small dosage. I have this urge to scream, to throw a tantrum and to hit someone, anyone. I feel like maybe this is a sign of depression, but I don't know. 

         I don't want to feel this anymore. I want to be free from this heavy feeling. I don't know what to do. I tried talking to my friends about it but they said it might be stress. I tried googling but ugh. I'm tired and my heart aches. I just want to sleep. 

in the dim lights,

i can see your eyes glimmer.

our hearts take flight,

conscience got really thinner. 

gone's the fright,

as your face becomes clearer.

kissed me twice,

caused my soul to shiver. 

we fly like kites,

feeling high, higher, higher.

this is not right,

but we're already sinner. 

won't end tonight,

not until the end of summer.

then we'll fight,

cause your missus back from her litter. 

Start Young

One of the many incredible things I learned from my gay friends is that when kids are name calling boys, they often use the term 'bakla' and 'bading'. It's their term for someone who's weak or someone who hurts other girls; and if you think about it, gay people are one of the strongest kind of people I know because amidst the unconventionality, they stick to what they believe in and fight for who they are. Also, men often maltreat women, and not gays, just look at % of women abused by their husbands/boyfriends. So what I'm saying here is that, it's really unfair to use the term 'bakla' and 'bading', an actual description for real people, for sogmething that they are not, something that is so wretched.

I hope parents and teachers will teach kids about gender at a young age; gender which includes male, female, gay, lesbian,  etcetera. They need to understand that being gay isn't bad, but hurting people is.