12.12.12

'cause I just can't tell you. 

http://talesthatishanttell.wordpress.com/2013/01/05/12-12-12/

I AM A UP STUDENT.

Sometimes I wonder what life there is outside UP.

All the what ifs occur to me whenever I fail a test or a subject.

What if I chose UST or Miriam over UP?

would I get decent grades? would I graduate on time?

would life be easy breezy? 

I would never know the answer because I will never have the chance to repeat everything again and do things the other way and repeat it again to try all other options, but what I do know is that EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS IS DEFINITELY WORTH IT. I have learned so much and I have overcome a billion things I was afraid of. 

I cannot fully express what I feel as a UP student but this professor said it very well,

let me share this to you.

From Sir Jireh Espinosa, DPSM, UP Manila. Ewan ko kung may nakapagpost na nito dito:

"But, we did not come to UP because it's easy. Still, the better question is: why in the world do we stay? What person in his right mind would actually choose this? Well, the truth is every UP student knows the answer to that. Yes, we can fight it and we deny it all we want, but we will always know it to be true in our hearts: IT'S WORTH IT.

Being "Tatak UP" is not about getting high grades and graduating with honors. Rather, it is graduating without honors and still breaking down when you finally note that sablay from one shoulder to the other, and in that moment being overcome with the realization that yes, indeed, it is worth it.

Taga-UP ka. Tatak UP ka.

BANGON. LABAN.

Then go out there and make us proud.

Tatak UP: Words to drag you through hell week."

I got this from: Robertson Rivera's post in Overheard at UP

I AM A UP STUDENT AND I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Midlife Crisis

I am at the peak of losing my sanity. 

Oh God, I really have no idea why but recently I have been nothing but every bit of a bitch. I easily get angry and if things don't go my way, it upsets me--and I do make quite an impression when I'm upset. I am almost always extremely difficult and selfish,and I am cranky all the time and I just want to end the lives of some motherfuckers. 

Maybe, I do know why. 

For one, I know that I am fucking pressured that fucking pass all my subjects this semester. I feel like my academics is hanging by a thread, not because I'm doing poorly, but because I might motherfucking mess this up again. I have been surrounded by such supportive people and they have been a big help in my acads recently, I just hope I don't let them down (as if i'm not pressured enough).

Another is that I am so fucking tired.

Maybe I ain't really good with managing my time but I feel like 24 hours is not enough to finish all the things I want to accomplish for that day in a day. I don't have enough rest, I don''t have enough 'calm moments'. I feel like everything's fast forward! 

Lastly, 

I feel so alone. 

Funny is it not? I'm always surrounded by people i'm close with but I feel so alone. I don't blame them, not even a single bit, In fact I chose to be in this kind of situation. I never really tell people my real problems. I know that they will not judge me nor they will condemn me, I know that they'll try to help me but, I don't know, I think I'd rather face all my problems alone. I really never wanted anyone's opinion because I feel like i'm pressured to take them and when I don't I disappoint them. I am such a pleaser. Even so, I still feel like I placed invisible walls around me and this solitary I have put myself in is taking its toll on me. #FML