I am at the peak of losing my sanity.
Oh God, I really have no idea why but recently I have been nothing but every bit of a bitch. I easily get angry and if things don't go my way, it upsets me--and I do make quite an impression when I'm upset. I am almost always extremely difficult and selfish,and I am cranky all the time and I just want to end the lives of some motherfuckers.
Maybe, I do know why.
For one, I know that I am fucking pressured that fucking pass all my subjects this semester. I feel like my academics is hanging by a thread, not because I'm doing poorly, but because I might motherfucking mess this up again. I have been surrounded by such supportive people and they have been a big help in my acads recently, I just hope I don't let them down (as if i'm not pressured enough).
Another is that I am so fucking tired.
Maybe I ain't really good with managing my time but I feel like 24 hours is not enough to finish all the things I want to accomplish for that day in a day. I don't have enough rest, I don''t have enough 'calm moments'. I feel like everything's fast forward!
Lastly,
I feel so alone.
Funny is it not? I'm always surrounded by people i'm close with but I feel so alone. I don't blame them, not even a single bit, In fact I chose to be in this kind of situation. I never really tell people my real problems. I know that they will not judge me nor they will condemn me, I know that they'll try to help me but, I don't know, I think I'd rather face all my problems alone. I really never wanted anyone's opinion because I feel like i'm pressured to take them and when I don't I disappoint them. I am such a pleaser. Even so, I still feel like I placed invisible walls around me and this solitary I have put myself in is taking its toll on me. #FML
