i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                        i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

-e.e. cummings 

Throwback!!

Nursery

1.       I had my first bestfriend. Her name is Michelle something. She was second in our class.

2.       I was first in our class. My grade was the highest in our school. I was able to beat the final grade for 2^nd quarter of the elementary and high school students’ honor rolls.

3.       I kissed my crush on the lips while we were practicing our dance number. The song we danced to is Pearly Shell.

4.       I was accelerated to kinder.

Kinder-Prep-Grade 1-Grade 2

                They were a blur, but I was always part of the honor roll.

Grade 3

1.       I sang ‘Moon River’ in front of everyone. Pre-school, Grade School and High School, when we got back inside our homeroom, my adviser told me that it was her favorite song.

2.       I cut class during our catechism class. No, it wasn’t a Catholic school but it was when were supposed to get our first communion. Whenever I cut class, I go to the canteen to buy a snack and I stay there. No one reprimanded me because I was a goodie-two-shoes. 

3.       Mom asked our maid and I to buy a white dress for my first communion, I bought a pink frilly dress.

4.       Since I don’t have a white dress, and I don’t know a lot of prayers (because of cutting class), I didn’t attend our first communion.

5.       I was close to my service-mates, even to the ates and kuyas, then one random day, this girl who was hated by everyone (because she was a meanie) conspired the others to make my life there, inside our service, a hell. So, the sweet driver of the van always saved me the front seat of his L300. I didn’t care then because I got the radio and aircon to myself. Then one day, one of my service mate, who was a year older than me, took the front sit and talked to me again. After that, the others did too. We were all buddy-buddies again.

6.       I was still a part of the honor roll.

7.       I was invited to join the Mr. and Ms. MCA (name of our school), the elementary edition. My father told me that I can’t join because my sister was joining, and we didn’t have enough moolah to support us both (with the dress cost and the make-up cost, etcetera). My sister won 3^rd place.

8.       They tease me chanak because my name was CHArina and I was bungal then.

9.       Janine, who was two years younger than me, became my bestfriend. We were servicemate, and yes, she was part of the conspiracy.

10.   My second kiss on the lips happened. In my defense, we were playing, and it was an accident.

11.   I grabbed the star role of a dance production in an event in our school. The song was ‘New York, New York’, I was wearing a black tights and a leotard, I had a top hat and a black long stick. My nipples were kinda obvious, but I was a kid then! But this girl, who was also my servicemate, the one who was the brain of the conspiracy, told my classmates that, “Si Charina, bakat ang utong.” For a girl my age, the word utong was horrifying. I was hurt and I blamed my mom.

12.   I changed schools because my sister graduated high school, and my father, for some bizarre reason, doubted the skills of the teachers of that school. He was right about that.

Grade 4

1.       I was the new kid and I was bullied by a girl who was adopted. I never found out what her problem was. I think she read too much American-based pocketbooks because she felt like she was the school’s queen bee who is in love with Sakura tarot cards.

2.       I met another mortifying person (up to this day, I never liked him.). He was your typical bully. I hate him because he kept on teasing me in a very stupid level. It was really hard to deal with stupid people.

3.       I met 3 wonderful girls who became my super close friends, and I still consider them as great friends no matter how we poorly we try to contact each other. We called ourselves Chocolates, I was Kisses.

4.       I told them that Dominic Ochoa was my cousin. I was very stupid then.

5.       When I had a fight with one of the Chocolates, she told the class the lie that I’ve told them. It was mortifying.

6.       Our adviser sweats a lot. You never miss a day when there were no armpit stains.

7.       I made a boy cry. He was my crush and we were taking a test, but I finished early, so I started talking to him. We got caught, he blamed me, and he cried.

Grade 5

1.       First time I was placed on the PM class. The am class were so full that I had to take the pm class, which starts after lunch.

2.       I had new classmates that were from IMC but from a different branch. They were really close to each other and they were really smart. Really smart.

3.       I had a hard time understanding mixed fractions. I asked the teacher to repeat the discussion four times. I realized that I wasn’t gonna get it at that time, and my classmates were laughing already (I bet on my life that the boys don’t understand it as well.) so after the fourth discussion, I just nodded.

4.       I was sent to the guidance office for pushing this boy from a very tall stack of chairs. I did that because he was trying to take the butterfly clip from my hair.

Grade 6

1.       I became friends with another group. It had two boys and another girl from Chocolates.

2.       I had my first phone. It was a Motorola C651. I threw it on a friend’s face when I got angry of his teasing.

3.       First time I failed a subject. It was science. I got 74, 2^nd quarter. I thought I was gonna die if my parents found out. We had a crisis that time, the family was a mess, the thought it was just an effect of our problems. I got away.

4.       I made new friends. They were the smart ass of the school, and if you’re the smartass of the school, you are highly respected. This guy, He had the looks and the brain, I was so intimidated by him at first, it turned out that he was nice after all. That guy was bullied a lot though. Now this girl, she was stubborn, maybe because she was an only girl, and it was the first time I’ve witnessed a parent pressure her kid. I thought it only happens in the movies.

5.       We had our school production, I was one of the ‘Pink Ladies’ of Grease.

6.       I dated this guy who I met at Glorietta. Mom left me at National Bookstore, there was this cute guy, he asked for my number, we texted, he was 2^nd year, Don Bosco student. Not gay. So he asked if we can go out on a date, this was a secret. I never told a soul. I asked my mom to take me to Glorietta because I was gonna watch movies with my friends. Told her one of my friends will take me home. So there, we went out, IT WAS KINDA AWKWARD, and I told him that! “ang awkward natin. Hahaha”  fuck. He took me to this American Sports Grill. He sat right next to me and I was thinking that time, “this is not gonna work. It can get awkward. I’d rather he sit in front of me”. he ordered this huge burger with fries and everything. The burger was so huge, they have to cut it into 4 pieces, and it was still huge. I was kinda freaked out, like, how much is this? How much will my share be? Hahaha but he paid for everything. I don’t know how but we were able to finish the burger, but there were some fries left. While we were talking, he kissed me. I was so shocked. It was my first real deal kiss. ugh. Then he kissed me the second time. It was just a chaste kiss on the lips. He then called his driver and drove me home. We continued flirting on texts but then he suddenly stopped texting. I was too you, too naïve to care.

7.       We graduated. My Chocolate friends and a lot of other elementary friends changed schools.

First year

1.       I won first place for interpretative reading. There were 6 of us, one fourth year, one third year, two second years and two first years.

2.       I was asked to discuss Malaria in front of the whole high school department. They only picked 4 students to discuss 4 diseases, etc. It was terrifying. At least they were laughing while I was discussing.

3.       Our team won first place for Go Negosyo. It was a national competition and we won 18 thousand pesos for selling Squash Ice Cream.

4.       I was asked to join the Singapore student exchange program, but my mom declined because we didn’t have the money, my ‘same year’-bestfriend was asked as well, but they decline also because she couldn’t bring her nanny there.

5.       I had my first high school costume party.

6.       Got into the honor roll.

Second year

1.       My same year-bestfriend and I had a falling out.

2.       I became close to this guy who turned out to be my second boyfriend.

3.       I got close to two girls, we called ourselves the triplets.

4.       Our section built a horror room.

5.       Won second place for Interpretative reading.

6.       My guy-bestfriend and I revealed to each other that we liked each other.

7.       I was taught how to play dota.

8.       I was semi-seriously courted by a guy a year older than me.

9.       Second year was full of drama.

10.   Got into the honor roll.

Third year

1.       I had my first official boyfriend. We lasted a month. He was the guy who courted me when I was in 2^nd year.

2.       Won first place for interpretative reading.

3.       Didn’t join the school production, high school musical, because my boy-bestfriend didn’t join either.

4.       JS PROM was held on my birthday. A girl dared me to dance on my own, pretending to have a partner, the teachers took pity and danced with me. 

5.       I was part of the cotillion and my partner had a really lovely smile. He wasn’t my crush though, but he was really nice that night.

6.       4 senior guys asked me to dance. One of those was my ex.

7.       I was part of the honor roll. J

Fourth year

1.       I received my first bouquet of flowers.

2.       Had my second boyfriend. The teachers weren’t happy. Actually, the teachers didn’t know that we were together. They were just suspicious.

3.       I won (landslide) for the position of Public Relations Officer in our Student Council.

4.       I also won 4 other positions in different clubs.  P.R.O. for Science Club, Book Lover’s Club and Classroom Officer, and Treasurer for ASCIT (comp. club).

5.       Won first place in propaganda making contest. It was a group contest.

6.       Performed  Interpretative Reading because I think they think I was the best in that field.

7.       In one of our events, Mr. and Ms. Basura, we were able to generate almost 300 thousand pesos.

8.       Learned how to kiss----torridly.

9.       I learned what blow job means in a very embarrassing way. I asked my teacher in our science class.

10.   JS prom was held on my birthday..again.

11.   Passed UPCAT, Miriam College Entrance Exam and USTET. I only applied for those 3 schools anyway.

12.   Graduated with honors. 

15 things I learned from 15 people

They might have shared a thing or two,

Or maybe I just saw it through.

It might be because they are,

It might be because they aren't. 

1.       LAV: Things don’t make you happy, you make you happy.

2.       MPV: Strive for a good life.

3.       RBV: It pays to be nice.

4.       JSCM: Passion keeps you going.

5.       QGH: God is there all the time.

6.       AMR: “with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,

                                  it is still a beautiful world.”

7.       GN: Appreciate the small things, even a glass of cold water.

8.       JL: When life throws you a ton of lemons, make lemonade—then sell it.

9.       AGJS: Know when to stop.

10.   RAMF: “because you’re worth it.”—dapat walang dagdag-bawas.

11.   AML: Iskolar para sa bayan.

12.   KCV: Have some balls and take risks.

13.   XM: You don’t have to force a relationship if you want to love.

14.   (oᴥo): a kiss on the forehead means more than a kiss on the lips.

15.   TKV: If you want to shun the world, even just for a short while, put your earphones on.