12:25 am and i am bawling like hell. 

I am crying for the world and i'm crying because i can't do anything that can help change the world today. I can't give my sympathies to those who were affected nor can I help protect the world from the evil beings that walk here on earth; All I can do is pray, pray for them, pray for everyone.

I am in so much pain because my heart can't process how a person can kill dozens of innocent people just because. Why are they doing this? why is the world filled with so much hate and evil? most of us just wanted to live a peaceful life, so why can't they give us that? Peace?

I read in one of my friend's status:

"The teenagers who murdered the people in Paris are terrorists disguised as Syrian refugees, who were accepted by France."

How you can you kill the people who accepted you wholeheartedly into their country to help you escape death from your own country? Can you even sleep at night? what are you fighting for? Money? Power?

My heart goes to everyone who murdered innocent people in every corners of the world. It's easier and more satisfying for me to wish you guys a thousand painful deaths, but i won't. I pray that you'll turn your back on your evil ways and be one of those people who will soon make this world a better place. 

Happy Pill 2

    My heart is filled with so much love, it's pouring out of my heart like a water fountain. Now don't mistake love for trust (nor will) for i can love you so so much--that it's suffocating, but still not do anything about it. I'll live my life the way I want to and that is to live far away from you and far away from us, but I'll still have these feelings for you; love, lust, compassion, care and so much more, only for you. You're presence nor your existence won't matter, I'll still love you wherever you are; I'll love you even after life. So if you need some loving, I have a lot of love that I can give. Here, take it. take everything. Strip me bare and take me whole, the only thing I ask is of you is to not ask what I cannot give---commitment. 

Happy Pill 1

          ABS-CBN's 2009 summer station ID, Galaw Galaw sa Tag-araw, was the first song I ever danced to in UPLB. In our NSTP-CWTS class, they grouped us into 10 or 11 and then they asked us to perform something as an ice-breaker. Our group leader, whom I had a tiny bit of crush then, was a dancer in HS and he whipped up a simple dance routine for the group to follow. The song was quite popular then as well as it was catchy and repetitive, so we chose that song for our performance. Our dance presentation wasn't outstanding nor was it unforgettable but I remember having fun while performing and I remember telling myself, "I think I can do this, survive college." I'm still alive, yes, but I haven't conquered college yet. It ain't over til it's over. #Frosh 

damn girl, you're blog is de-de-depressing.
Okay, so here's what we gonna do, ok?
we gonna write on your buddha notebook about happy-ness and all that
*pitik pitik pitik
and we gonna hold tight on that happiness, youknowhatimsayin?
so let's get movin, groovin swhoop swhoop swhoop.

completely deranged.

Lord, I don't want to feel this pain anymore. Please please please take this pain away from me. I don't think I can handle anymore of this. Ilang gabi pa ba ang iiiyak ko? Ilang kaibigan pa ba ang itataboy ko? ilang araw pa ba ako magiging ganito? Please maawa ka na sa akin kasi ayoko na po talaga ng ganito. hindi ko naman po ito ginusto. Ang sakit sakit na. walang nakaakaintindi, walang nakakaalam, walang nakakatulong sa akin. Lord, kanino pa ba ako hihingi ng tulong, sayo lang naman, hindi ba? This feeling is sucking everything that I am; my worth, my happiness, my soul. Sooner or later, i'll be left with only a hollow form of a human and nothing else.

I see red.

I'm a freak.

my soul is dead.

my heart is weak,

He should've just punched me in the gut.

I lacked the qualities he was looking for,

so to make him stay, I became I whore. 

I stripped my pride away,

stark naked and always ready to play.

He likes me more when I'm on my knees,

When on my period, he likes me least. 

He used to tell me i'm pretty,

but now he only wants my titties. 

They don't understand why I'm doing this.

To be loved, i need to beg and say 'please'.

It has always been that way,

and I can't see it changing any day.