The question is:


WHAT ARE WE RIGHT NOW?

new not so new

This is supposed to be burgundy, whatever Burgundy looks like. 

I love it and I hate it at the same time.

YAY!

Lips to die for. HAHA

I was aiming for the big lips effect. I actually did this after my Rejected C-Shot shoot so as to save myself from applying make-up again. hahahaha This is kinda freaky, yes. I love it. what. 

Rejected C-shot

1. I applied concealer, foundation, and eyeliner. I fixed My eyebrows into a thick one too. 

If you can notice, I also applied foundation in my mouth.

2. I traced a smaller lips (than tracing my real lips) using a lip liner then I added a lighter shade 

of lipstick. 

3. I added some blush and eyeshadows all over my face.

4. I traced my lower lashes using my liquid eyeliner.

5. I glued fake eyelashes to my lower eyelids to create a bigger eyes effect.

6. I don't know what I did. hahaha

7. I drew small red dots using my lip liner, then i glued a white thread to create a fake stitch on

my face. 

8. I tried to conceal the red dots but it doesn't create much effect.

9. Lastly, I tried drawing black dots to create holes on my face.  viola!

My peg was a cute but scary type of make-up but then, I tried applying more eyeshadows
all over my eyelids and under my eyelids. I also applied dark shadows on my cheeks to
create hollow cheeks but alas, i failed. hahaha 

Harry Fatter for a day.

A lot of my friends asked why I didn't go for Hermione or even Hagrid, given the hair. Well, I had these awesome (yet very cheap) spectacles that I have been itching to wear in public since forever. Thank God for our theme, Fictional Characters, I was finally able to flaunt my Harry Potter imitation glasses. hahahaha  

My brother and I want to take the train (instead for flying) to Bicol this coming summer vacation. We plan to joke around while we're there. i would be wearing this and I'd be saying chants to strangers. hahaha I'm really excited for this plan!

I've been a good girl!

 A long purse (or something) from a cappa sorority sister, Kim!
It’s purple! It’s girly! I love it! J

  I received this from UPAEMS’ Christmas party. I was Bon’s monita.

We actually had a wishlist, and the only things I remember writing are,

one, a personal letter from the one who picked me, and two, a condom. 

I got both! Plus I also got this really cool clock that looks like a tin can from the outside. 

   My brother gives the craziest things in the family but what I received this Christmas is actually tame.

HAHAHAHA I got this fire hydrant looking alkansya.

Me: I don’t know what I’m gonna do with this

Kuya: Me neither.

What’s funny is that it’s useless because I don’t save. At all. My family is very much aware of this.

So there. Ugh! Hahaha I also got a growing cactus. I actually asked for the

insect eating plant (I forgot the name)that you can buy in Hobbes,

but kuya thought cacti are way cooler.

Ok then. Lastly, I got a thousand pesos from him. *dances 

 I actually asked my mom not to buy me anything for Christmas since she’s the one

who paid someone to fix Shiva (click the link) but she still bought me something!

YAY! Plus, it’s the perfume from RL that I’ve been eyeing for a while now.

I’m so happy! 

  My sister and my brother in law gave me a make-up kit from Victoria Secret.

The same make-up kit that I had my eye on. It has these gorge eyeshadows, lipsticks,

lip glosses,lip liner,eyeliner, mascara,blushes, bronzer and a face powder!

OMG! (you can just feel my love for make-up over there!)

I also received these super soft brushes for my make-up.

Those two lovebirds are just so adorable. J

    Xy gave me an eyeliner because I “have been crying ever since (my) your eyeliner dried up.” His words, not mine.  The eyeliner was from Beauty Bar and I wasn’t familiar with the brand, but now that I’ve tried it, I love it. He also gave me a bath set. It was a gift to his mom daw from one of his relatives, he asked for that one because he knows I love body soaps daw. (I actually don’t. It just makes bathing easier! Hahaha. But buy me B&B any day, I will not say no!) The chocolate is actually not a gift; I sneakily stole it from his fridge. Hahaha! Lastly, a set of keys to his place. 

Last is my dad. He gave me a fucking fruit cake. Unfortunately for him, I’m a materialistic person, so, I’m sorry for being an ingrate. Oh and also, I HATE FRUIT CAKES!!

Seriously though, I feel like my dad keeps on forgetting that it’s Christmas and when he realizes that it is Christmas, he randomly pick out stuff that he can give and he gives it...to us, HIS FAMILY. My brother actually got a doormat which says “Live, laugh, love”. It’s a good gift...FOR A GIRL!! Ugh! I know it’s not right to compare, but I think it’s unfair that we actually think of the things that he will like, while he..nevermind. 

Christmas Break? Oh please.

What happened during the holidays.

The truth of the matter is....I’m tired. I have been to 16 shopping centres! I swear I am not exaggerating! Here is the list of shopping centres I’ve been to: SM Megamall, SM Makati, SM Calamba, SM Aura, SM Hypermart, Market Market, Eastwood, Trinoma, Glorietta, Landmark, Greenbelt, Tiendesitas, St. Francis Square, Divisoria, Robinsons Galleria and S&R.

I really don’t know what’s wrong with my mom (or my family, excluding me, of course!) but they seem to hate planning. They’re like, “let’s go to this place to look for something...” or “I forgot to buy this in this place. Let’s go back tomorrow.” I’m like, “seriously guys?!” It’s annoying and tiresome! I actually went to UPLB after the first holiday weekend because they were able to tire me out so quickly! I pretended to still have class and just slept in my dormitory most of time that I stayed there. I felt the need to recharge and meditate so as to prepare myself for the following days that I’m off with my family.

Anyway, I know it’s not the end of the holiday season yet but things have calmed down because the shopping-for-gifts on the to do list is finished. I know that shopping for your loved ones is such an exciting thing to do, but shopping for your mother’s loved ones is a different story. I even ended up poor because I can’t stop buying things as well! Que Horror!

Maybe, the good thing about Christmas Shopping is that I lost the pounds I needed to lose to compensate for the weight gain added from the feast we had last 25^th. Maybe..just maybe. Hahaha.

At least I was able to “just chill” last 26^th and 27^th, and was also able to spend my day with my favourite thing in the world, my bed, yesterday! YAY! Hahaha New Year shinnanigans, let’s get it on!

I hope you guys had a much more relaxed Christmas vacay than me. xx

I miss blogging but I'm still damn too busy. SIGH.
I have a lot to tell and right now, I can honestly say that my heart is broken into a gazillion pieces and it wasn't even because of a boy! I am in deep shit.

If only my troubles will vanish each time I wake up in the morning.

MINSAN MAY ISANG PUTA by: Mike Portes

Tingin ng mga bobong kapitbahay ko, puta daw ako. Nagpapagamit, binabayaran. Sabi nila, ako daw ang pinakamaganda at pinakasikat sa aming lugar noon. Di ko nga alam kung sumpa ito, dahil dito naletse ang kinabukasan ko.

Tara, makinig ka muna sa kwento ko, yosi muna tayo.

Alam mo, maraming lumapit sa akin. Nagkagusto at naakit. Ang hirap pag lahat sa iyo, virgin eh. Tinanggap ko naman silang tao, bakit kaya nila ako ginago? Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga nangyari sa akin. Bukas palad ko naman silang pinakitunguhan, ni hindi ko nga itinuring na iba. Iniisip ko na nga lang na kasi di sila taga rito kaya siguro talagang ganoon.

Tatlong malilibog na foreigners ang nagpyesta sa katawan ko. Sabi nila na-rape daw ako.

Sa tatlong beses akong nagahasa, ang pinakahuli ang di ko makakalimutan. Parang maski di ko ginusto ang mga nangyari, hinahanap-hanap ko siya. Kasi, ibang-iba ang hagod niya. Umiikot ang mundo ko sa tuwing ginagamit niya ako. May mga pagkakaton na nasusuka na ko sa mga nangyayari sa aming dalawa. Parang ‘pag humahalinghing siya, nararamdaman ko na nalalason ako.. Gusto ko mang umayaw, hindi ko makuhang humindi. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit. Ibang klase din kasi siya mag-sorry eh, lalo pa at inalagaan niya ako at ang mga naging anak ko.

Alam mo, parating ang dami naming regalo - may chocolates, yosi at ano ka! May datung pa! Nakakabaliw siya! Alam kong ginagamit niya lang ako pero pagamit naman ako nang pagamit. Sa kanya namin natutunan mag-inggles, di lang magsulat ha! Magbasa pa!

Nung kinasama ko siya, guminhawa buhay namin. Sosyal na sosyal kami! Ewan ko nga ba, akala ko napapamahal na ako sa kanya. Akala ko tuloy-tuloy na kaligayahan namin, yun pala unti-unti niya akong pinapatay.

Punyetang buhay! Sa dami ng lason na sinaksak niya sa katawan ko, muntik na akong malaspag. Ang daming nagsabi na ang tanga tanga ko. Palayasin ko na daw. Taon ang binilang bago ako natauhang makining sa payo. Iniisip ko kasi na parang di ko kakayanin na mawala siya sa akin… Sa amin! .

Sa tulong ng ilan sa mga anak ko, napalayas ko ang demonyo pero ang hirap magsimula. Hindi nga ako sigurado kung nabunutan ako ng tinik o nadagdagan pa. Masyado na kasi kaming nasanay sa sarap ng buhay na naranasan namin sa kanya, kaya eto nabaon kami sa utang. Lubog na lubog kami sa pagkakautang, kulang yata pati kaluluwa namin para ibayad sa mga inutang namin.

Nakakahiya man aminin pero hanggang ngayon, sa tuwing mabigat ang problema ko, siya ang tinatakbuhan ko. ‘Yun nga lang, kapit sa patalim sabi nga nila. Para akong isang aso na nangagat ng amo, na bumabahag ang buntot at umaamo kapag nangangailangan.

Usap-usapan ako ng mga kapitbahay ko. May nanghihinayang, namumuhi at naaawa. Puta na kasi ang isang magandang katulad ko. Ang dating hinahangaan at humahalina ay nabibili sa murang halaga. Alam mo maski ganun ang mga nangyari sa akin, nilakasan ko pa rin ang loob ko. Kailangan makita ng mga anak ko, na masasandalan nila ako maski ano pang mangyari.

Maski ano pa ang sabihin ng iba, sinisikap namin na maging maganda ang buhay namin. Nag-aambisyon kami at nangangarap. Ayun, may mga anak ako na nasa Japan, Hong Kong, Saudi. Yung iba nag-US, Canada, Europe. ‘Yung iba ayaw umalis sa akin. Halos lahat, wala naman silbi. Masaya daw sa piling ko, maski amoy pusali ako.

Sa dami ng mga anak ko na nagsisikap na tulungan ang kalagayan namin, siya din ang dami ng mga anak ko na nanamantala sa kabuhayan at kayaman na itinatabi ko para sa punyetang kinabukasan naming lahat. Eto na nga ang panahon na halos di na kami makaahon sa hirap ng buhay. Napakahirap dahil nasanay na kami sa ginhawa at sarap.

Alam mo, gusto ko na sanang tumigil sa pagpuputa kaso ang laki talaga ng letseng utang ko eh. Palaki pa ng palaki! Paano na lang ang mga anak kong naiwan sa aking puder? At paano na lang ang mga anak kong nasa abroad? Baka di na nila ako balikan o bisitahin man lang? Hindi na importante kung laspagin man ang ganda ko, madama lang ng mga anak ko ang pagmamahal ko. Malaman nila na ibibigay ko ang lahat para sa kanila.

Sa tuwing titingin ako sa salamin, alam ko maganda pa rin ako. Meron pa din ang bilib sa akin. Napapag-usapan pa din. Sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mukha ko sa salamin, nakikita ko ang mga anak ko. Tutulo na lang ang mga luha ko ng di ko namamalayan. Ang gagaling nga ng mga anak ko eh, namamayagpag kahit saan sila pumunta. Mahusay sa kahit anong gawain. Tama man o mali.

Sa dami ng mga anak ko, iilan lang ang may malasakit sa akin. May malasakit man, nahihilaw pa.

Mabigat dalahin para sa akin, ang katotohanan na ni minsan ay di kami naging isang pamilya. Halos lahat ng mga anak ko, galit sa isa’t isa. IIlan ang gusto magtulungan, naghihilahan pa. Madalas kong itinatanong sa sarili ko kung naging masama ba akong nanay para magturingan ng ganito ang mga anak ko?

Kanino bang similya ng demonyo nanggaling ang mga anak kong maituturing mong may mga pinag-aralan pero nakakadama ng saya at sarap sa paghihirap ng kapatid nila? Di ko lubos maisip kung saan impiyerno nanggaling ang kasikiman ng ilan sa mga anak kong ito. Sila pa naman ang inaasahan kong magbabangon sa amin. Nakakabaliw isipin na natitiis nila ang kalagayan ng kanilang mga kapatid na halos mamatay sa hirap ng buhay. Parang di sila magkakapatid sa tindi ng pagkaganid at walang pagmamalasakit.

Ang di ko akalain ay mismong mga anak ko, ang tuluyang sisira sa akin. Kinapital ang laspag na ganda ko. Masaya sila sa mga nabibili nila mula sa pinagputahan ko. Buong angas nilang pinagyayabang ang mga pansamantalang yaman at ang kanilang hilaw na pagkatao sa mga makakakita at makikinig. Talaga bang nakakalula ang materyal na kayamanan at mga titulong ikinakabit sa pangalan? Hindi ko maintindihan.

Minsan sa pagtingin ko sa salamin, ni hindi ko na nga kilala sarili ko.

Dadating na naman ang pasko, sana maalala naman ako ng mga anak ko. Ilang linggo pa, magbabagong taon na. Natatakot ako sa taong darating. Ngayon pa lang usap-usapan na ang susunod na pangbubugaw sa akin. Gagamitin pa nila ang kahinaan ng mga kapatid nilang alipin sa kalam ng tiyan. Sa tagal ng panahong ganito ang sitwasyon namin parang eto lang ang sulok na gagalawan ko. Sana may magtanggol naman sa akin. Ipaglaban naman nila ako. Gusto kong isigaw: "Ina ninyo ako! Pagmamahal nyo lang ang kailangan ko!”

Sensya na, ang haba na ng drama ko. Masisira na ang make up ko nito eh. Salamat ha, pinakinggan mo ako. Malaking bagay sa akin na nakausap kita. Ang tagal nating nag-usap, di man lang ako nagpapakilala.

Ay sorry, di ko nasabi pangalan ko.

Pilipinas nga pala.

Friday night catastrophe.

I don’t know what we are again.

I don’t know where we are.

Our friends are definitely not happy with this. Like for example,

Kat: Di ka pa natuto.

Patrick: both of you are so infuriatingly confusing.

 JM: I don’t believe in the 3-month rule pero she deserves three months.

(all of them are non-verbatim)

Anyway, so here’s my story. 11.08.2013

Last Friday night, I was busy watching Smurfs while someone parked a car outside our house, knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to go for a ride. Of course, I stupidly said yes. We went to Glorietta then we ate at Burger King. Then your mom texted you, asking you to buy some things from the supermarket, and so we went there and bought those stuff. Grocery shopping was fun, you know? We pretended like we’re married and you were like, “honey, what salt shall we buy?” or “honey, will our daughter like this?” People were staring at us, and I couldn’t stop laughing. The laughter stopped when we got back to the car. “hindi to pwede, Xyriel.” and so you said, “I don’t see any reason why but I’m just gonna agree with you.”

The car was filled with awkward silence. Then you broke it and asked me if we can drive by your house first because you were scared of the ice cream (and all other creams) melting. You assured me that your parents were still out because of some forgotten reason. When we got there, you were wrong.

I was forced to eat dinner again, dessert included and your mother pleaded I stay for the night since the weather was not at its finest.

Your mother pleaded I stay for the night....and I caught you smiling.

Since mom thought we were going out as a group, I semi made her think that “we’ll all be staying” for the night at your house. She wasn’t thrilled but it was a really scary night, so she couldn’t say no either.

We both stayed at your pseudo living room. I slept in the sofa bed while you, in a futon. We never really did much sleep. I actually didn’t sleep because I was afraid your family might hear my loud snooore. We watched several random shows and movies while you feed me junk.

You talk a lot, you know? You’d give comments about the shows; you’ll make fun of them, of me, even yourself. You were funny! You weren’t this mushy person you were when you were still wooing me. You told me about your past schools, you being a lola’s boy and how you miss both of your grandparents, you also told me about your fear of dying in a very stupid way, like from beating the red light, or drunk driving. Hahaha! It was enlightening!

Anyway, you forced me to make some waffles at two in the morning. It was my first time to make waffles and to use a waffle maker. Then you drove me home at around 6am. I had fun.

Can I tell you something? I’d rather be your buddy and spend my nights like that with you than be something else.

when no one listens

Hey.

You called? I heard you were crying and you needed someone to talk to. What’s wrong? What’s going on? Do you want to talk about it? If I don’t know any better, I bet it was about feeling lousy again. Are you discouraged, my dear? Are you scared? Are you lonely? We both know that we don’t have a clear path ahead of us; we also know that it’s going to be difficult, and all we can do is pray.

Dear one, He hasn’t left your side since forever. He’s been there through thick and thin, no man could ever love you like He does. Put your faith in Him again. You can’t do it alone. You don’t have enough will to do it. You know that, right? I don’t have enough faith, too, to tell you that it will be alright, that everything will be okay, but when you’ve accepted the fact that He’s got your back, you’ll feel at ease, you’ll  feel safe. I can tell you dozens of times that I got your back, but, if a trouble arises, i don’t even know what my courage, if there’s any, can do to help. I’m sorry for being so blunt, but I can never lie to you, everyone but you.

I feel you. Sometimes, I feel weak too. These problems I have, I tend to sleep it off, or read through it; most of the time, I try not to deal with it, really. I don’t think about it, you know? I’m scared to realize that maybe, just maybe, there isn’t a solution to these problems. I know that you’re thinking that it’s impossible, but, is it really? Maybe there are solutions, but those are the ones that I wouldn’t work on, maybe, and then leaving me with nothing but a kru-kru-kru background music and a headache.

You know what I can’t do? I can’t cry this off easily. Even when I think about these problems real hard, I can’t pent up my frustrations in tears, and it consumes me. I want to release this pain or anger or confusion, but I can’t, maybe because I’ve been keeping a lot of my problems to myself for so long.

But then again, I have Him, although I keep on forgetting that. Well, maybe not forgetting but I try to avoid Him because I feel guilty? I know that these sins I’ve committed I was very well aware off.  I’m neither slow nor stupid and i know what’s right from wrong but I did these anyway, and I’m scared. I can’t face him because I’m wrong and i’m scared to do it again. That maybe, in my fucked up mind, I should face him only when I’m sure I’ll stop sinning. But you never stop sinning, do you? I needed Him to be a reminder for me to refrain from myself sinning as much as I can. It’s going to be difficult, and shameful and scary, but I need to grow up. I need to face my demons. I need move forward and learn from my past mistakes. I need to let go.  

dramabomb

It’s 5 in the morning and my tears are pouring.

I admit that I have been watching a series that may have triggered this scenario. I was watching I NEED ROMANCE, and I can honestly say that I’ve fucked up. I am crying because I felt like I was the guy protagonist in the story. I couldn’t give you my trust. I couldn’t give you my love. I couldn't give shit.

I am so sorry.

You know, until 3 oc' in the morning, I was hating you. I was blaming you for this bitterness that I’m feeling. I am so sorry. I never appreciated you when I got the chance. I remember when you told me that you couldn’t get a hold of me. Maybe I did put a distance between us, no matter how intimate we were, there was always a distance. I hoped I hadn’t made you feel so alone. I hope you were happy with me for a short time.

I am so sorry.

To make you feel better, I am bitter now. I am hurting. I cried a lot of time because of you. I cried and I NEVER HAD ANYONE TO CONSOLE ME. It’s not my friends fault. I don’t tell them much either. I realized that i put space between people and me. There is always this distance.

I don;t know how i’m going to fix it, Xy, I don’t know if it’s something that you can fix. I am scared, Xy. I am really scared. I’m scared to see myself in the future with no friends and no loved ones because of this space I put on people. I don’t know why this is happening to me. I trust people with everything except my problems. I may tell them a number or two, but those were just the easy parts. The problems i tell them are solvable, and sometimes, when they give solutions, I’ve already thought of that too. That makes me think that I need not tell them anymore. I don’t need them to solve my problems for me. I DON’T NEED YOU TO SOLVE MY PROBLEMS FOR ME, but you’re a guy and i feel like you are entitled-no wait- uhmm.. it’s your job to do that, solve my problems, but i was never a damsel in distress, xy. Never.

Right now though, i want you to solve one.

I want you to put an end to this heartbreak, Xy.

Everynight, when I have nothing else to do but think of you, i feel like my heart is being ripped apart. I don’t want this, Xy. Please solve this problem and end my misery. Please take me back and love me. 

what sem-break?

I really love cuppies by Sonja more than Vanilla cuppies. IDK why

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN PUT ON MY RéSUMé

Got hooked up with this game. OMG 

A not so long line for the free comics day at Fully Booked, BGC

awesome statue thing at Boni High Street. This is TWD way of saying "i'm baaack"

totally cliché

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I saw this at the movies so I tried doing it myself. HAHAHA to calories and shugah!

lucky girl, that's me. 

I made some yummy mocha frappe with real whipped cream! 

Mango float made by yours truly!

I wasn't able to put enough butter on the crust. Lesson learned. 

I baked some chocolate cake! It was delish! (I think)

I had trouble with the chocolate icing because it wasn't that gooey at all. 

I also made some graham balls with  mango marshmallows! An idea from the J7 people. 

yay to calories! 

that's a slice of my cake topped with buko salad ice cream. Delish!

Sat at fully booked for a couple of minutes then suddenly I have a date!
LOLJK. A stranger and a kid. 

Canonpalooza @ UST 

I almost perfected the perfect brekky!
Sunny side up eggs (semi raw yolks, crispy whites), Crispy bacon and fluffy pancakes!
I was so happy to prepare a hearty meal for my family.
...and they didn't die!

So anyway, that's my week of sem-break. 

I cooked a lot. I went out a lot with my family and a friend.

I ate a lot, read a lot and slept a lot. 

I enjoyed my sembreak like a boss. 

 x. 

I tried making this my blog's photo header but I just can edit it. I want to whiten the background while the paint smudges and the color of Jo Boss remains the same. It's so difficult. hahaha anyway, I made this from Rachel's iPad. Thank you, Rachel Fanlovable!

twiddle dumb

I sighed out loud

Both of us too proud

To admit that it didn’t work out

That our love when south.

Why can’t we be together?

Why is breaking up better?

Are we not staying?

Is our love slowly dying?

Guess, we’re not cut out for this.

We shared nothing but a kiss.

I t may be passionate and hot,

But we want something, we want a lot.

You wanted to have sex in bed

‘i’m not ready’, that’s what i said

Then everything turned sour.

You’re lust was fading by the hour.

I wasn’t perfect too.

I want things you just can’t do.

I wanted to have a forever,

But with you, I could never.

This is why we fell apart,

Incompatible from the start.

Sucks for us, isn’t it?

Fools like us are meant to wait and sit. 

eating Ampalaya a bit too much

Funny.  Silly. Crazy.

I love you.

Hoping. Wishing. Wanting.

I love you.

Achy. Lonely. Empty.

I love you.

Broken.

I love you.

Loathesome Devil

When I first saw you,

I saw a face I could sue.

You’re that handsome, it’s true.

So please, let me hate you.

Let me hate you.

I hate that smug smile on your face,

A smile that makes my heart race.

I hate you

Let me hate you.

I hate your sexy whisper,

A whisper that makes me whimper.

I hate you and your sexy whisper.

Let me hate you.

I hate your hands on my back,

Those hands on me, interlocked.

I hate you and your hands on my back.

Let me hate you.

I hate your first ‘i love you’,

Those words makes me wanna say ‘I do’.

I hate you and your first ‘i love you’.

Let me say this.

I hate you because you’re you.

Lovely even in a bandeau.

I hate you & I fucking love you.

so much feels

I'm the girl that you adore,

the girl you thought was never yours,

but how were we even able to end things, 

if from the start, I had no feelings? 

I want to end this misery,

hurting this much isn't funny.

So, to the boy that was never shay (shy),

All I can say is..Good bye. 

arse

"My brain was saying no,

my heart was saying go"

and now my brain's saying "I told you so"  

☂

"stop waiting for something."

❤

"to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die"

4 in the morning.

You know why I hate you calling my cellular phone?

It’s because I know I have no power against you. I know that IF I hear your voice, my knees will go jelly again. I still want you, you know? It will remain for some time, but I plan to move on soon. I hate this uncomfortable feeling of longing. I don’t want to want you anymore, you know? It sucks wanting you and not having you at the same time, I’m selfish, okay?

You know what’s funny? I was this girl playing hard to get and no, you did not get me as I to you, and here and now, I’d like to believe that we are both hurting, well, I AM HURTING. Karma’s a bitch, is it not? So damn funny. Honestly though, I won’t change a thing. I still can’t trust you, and I’ll never be able to trust you, and you know why. We will be anything but stable, and stability is what I’m looking for. I want long term commitment, hell, I want forever, you are not that guy, and let me tell you, you don’t want to be that guy. You never wanted monthsaries, anniversary presents or whatever, remember?

I am BITTER. I am bitter with the fact that you’re actually treating your girlfriend like a girlfriend. Which, I suppose, she deserves.

Anyway, I can’t help but think that that could have been me; you being committed to me like you with her, only I didn’t took the risk. So yeah, I’m jealous and I’m bitter. This being said, I don’t want you to assume anything. You might be reading this, we just don’t know, so let me be clear here, ok?

I like you, yeah, but there’s no future for us anymore. I’ve accepted it. Maybe not a hundred percent, so please, help me on that one. Be an ass. Make-out with your girlfriend and post it on ask.fm.

SPEAKING OF ASK.FM, will you please stop being so dilly-dally? Don’t give safe answers. Don’t choose both of us, I’ve already been hurt enough, and a little more pain would actually help me move on from you. Stick with your girlfriend. She might be good for you. She has suffered enough too, it’s time you focus on something real, something yours; because I’m not yours anymore, Xy.

I like that. Let me say it again.

I am not yours anymore, Xyriel. Let go. 

apology letter

Dear Mia,

I know I have been MIA, especially during your birthday. I'm really sorry. I know it was your birthday that day and I intentionally didn't greet you, I swear! I didn't greet you because I was planning to surprise you, what kind is what I didn't know & I still don't know and I know it's way past your birthday, but with cappas, late birthday surprises is the norm (or are normal), is it not? So I thought that it's okay---err--everything will be okay, but of course I can't show my face because I'd be feeling guilty. And then hell weeksss started and I began losing my time for planning, and honestly, I can't think of anything. :(

I read some of your tweets and well, natatamaan ako. Guilty naman kasi talaga ako. I'm so sorry. I effed up. I miss you so much. :( I hope I can make it up to you, but first, I must give you back your chem lect 1st exam reviewer because you'll be needing it for your finals.

again, I'm so sorry. I love you to death and i'll really do my best to make bawi.

Love,

Charina

✁

Hey. It's okay.
I won't care anyway.
Not anymore, not after today,
so, it's fine. whatever you say.

✃

I know it's me. It has always been me.
I tend to say things that might affect other people, but I'm not going to apologize for a shit.

I'm done trying.

I will push you away from me.

★★★

Dear awesome Jo,

You need to get your shit together and start being awesome again. Okay? no guy is worth ruining your mantra. ACADS ACADS ACADS THESIS. You keep on forgetting what your priorities are. Please. You need this. You need to graduate this year. May I remind you that you're the one who wanted to be single this year? at least after you graduate? so what are you grovelling on, you twit? CRY all you want but please fucking graduate. 

                                                                                                                                                   Love,
 
                                                                                                                                                Awesome Jo

douche

I'm not a bed. Don't come only when you're tired or when you want to cry or when you're feeling horny and then just leave the morning after.

because fuck you.

masochist

why do you keep on calling me? haven't I been hurt enough?

where the hell did you fucking get my new number? 

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. 

SIGH.

“Would you rather be deaf and a mother to a kid that has a world class voice with everyone telling you that your kid has a great voice, marvellous even, or have the ability to hear, but you live in a warzone, bullets firing, people screaming and kids crying?”

We need to stop feeling sorry for people.

Why should we be sorry for a deaf person, who will never hear another person shout at her, scream at her, bad-mouth her?  She will never know that evil voices a regular person speaks out. She will always have a peace of mind whenever she desires.

Why should be sorry for the person who can hear; To hear a Richard Poon song, to hear I love yous from a loved one, to hear giggles and happiness?

Why should we feel sorry?

Feeling sorry means looking at the negative side of life, moreover, feeling sorry sounds like losing hope, so, why should we feel sorry?