Hey.
You called? I heard you were
crying and you needed someone to talk to. What’s wrong? What’s going on? Do you
want to talk about it? If I don’t know any better, I bet it was about feeling
lousy again. Are you discouraged, my dear? Are you scared? Are you lonely? We
both know that we don’t have a clear path ahead of us; we also know that it’s
going to be difficult, and all we can do is pray.
Dear one, He hasn’t left your
side since forever. He’s been there through thick and thin, no man could ever
love you like He does. Put your faith in Him again. You can’t do it alone. You
don’t have enough will to do it. You know that, right? I don’t have enough
faith, too, to tell you that it will be alright, that everything will be okay,
but when you’ve accepted the fact that He’s got your back, you’ll feel at ease,
you’ll feel safe. I can tell you dozens
of times that I got your back, but, if a trouble arises, i don’t even know what
my courage, if there’s any, can do to help. I’m sorry for being so blunt, but I
can never lie to you, everyone but you.
I feel you. Sometimes, I feel
weak too. These problems I have, I tend to sleep it off, or read through it;
most of the time, I try not to deal with it, really. I don’t think about it,
you know? I’m scared to realize that maybe, just maybe, there isn’t a solution
to these problems. I know that you’re thinking that it’s impossible, but, is it
really? Maybe there are solutions, but those are the ones that I wouldn’t work
on, maybe, and then leaving me with nothing but a kru-kru-kru background music
and a headache.
You know what I can’t do? I can’t
cry this off easily. Even when I think about these problems real hard, I can’t
pent up my frustrations in tears, and it consumes me. I want to release this
pain or anger or confusion, but I can’t, maybe because I’ve been keeping a lot
of my problems to myself for so long.
But then again, I have Him,
although I keep on forgetting that. Well, maybe not forgetting but I try to
avoid Him because I feel guilty? I know that these sins I’ve committed I was
very well aware off. I’m neither slow
nor stupid and i know what’s right from wrong but I did these anyway, and I’m
scared. I can’t face him because I’m wrong and i’m scared to do it again. That
maybe, in my fucked up mind, I should face him only when I’m sure I’ll stop
sinning. But you never stop sinning, do you? I needed Him to be a reminder for
me to refrain from myself sinning as much as I can. It’s going to be difficult,
and shameful and scary, but I need to grow up. I need to face my demons. I need
move forward and learn from my past mistakes. I need to let go.
