It’s 5 in the morning and my
tears are pouring.
I admit that I have been watching
a series that may have triggered this scenario. I was watching I NEED ROMANCE, and I can honestly say
that I’ve fucked up. I am crying because I felt like I was the guy protagonist
in the story. I couldn’t give you my trust. I
couldn’t give you my love. I couldn't give shit.
I am so sorry.
You know, until 3 oc' in the
morning, I was hating you. I was blaming you for this bitterness that I’m
feeling. I am so sorry. I never appreciated you when I got the chance. I
remember when you told me that you couldn’t get a hold of me. Maybe I did put a
distance between us, no matter how intimate we were, there was always a
distance. I hoped I hadn’t made you feel so alone. I hope you were happy with
me for a short time.
I am so sorry.
To make you feel better, I am
bitter now. I am hurting. I cried a lot of time because of you. I cried and I NEVER HAD ANYONE TO CONSOLE ME. It’s not my friends fault.
I don’t tell them much either. I realized that i put space between people and
me. There is always this distance.
I don;t know how i’m going to fix it, Xy, I don’t know
if it’s something that you can fix. I am scared, Xy. I am really scared. I’m
scared to see myself in the future with no friends and no loved ones because of
this space I put on people. I don’t know why this is happening to me. I trust
people with everything except my problems. I may tell them a number or two, but
those were just the easy parts. The problems i tell them are solvable, and
sometimes, when they give solutions, I’ve already thought of that too. That
makes me think that I need not tell them anymore. I don’t need them to solve my
problems for me. I DON’T NEED YOU TO SOLVE MY PROBLEMS FOR ME, but you’re a guy
and i feel like you are entitled-no wait- uhmm.. it’s your job to do that,
solve my problems, but i was never a damsel in distress, xy. Never.
Right now though, i want you to solve one.
I want you to put an end to this heartbreak, Xy.
Everynight, when I have nothing else to do but think of
you, i feel like my heart is being ripped apart. I don’t want this, Xy. Please
solve this problem and end my misery. Please take me back and love me.
