12.12.12

'cause I just can't tell you. 

http://talesthatishanttell.wordpress.com/2013/01/05/12-12-12/

I AM A UP STUDENT.

Sometimes I wonder what life there is outside UP.

All the what ifs occur to me whenever I fail a test or a subject.

What if I chose UST or Miriam over UP?

would I get decent grades? would I graduate on time?

would life be easy breezy? 

I would never know the answer because I will never have the chance to repeat everything again and do things the other way and repeat it again to try all other options, but what I do know is that EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS IS DEFINITELY WORTH IT. I have learned so much and I have overcome a billion things I was afraid of. 

I cannot fully express what I feel as a UP student but this professor said it very well,

let me share this to you.

From Sir Jireh Espinosa, DPSM, UP Manila. Ewan ko kung may nakapagpost na nito dito:

"But, we did not come to UP because it's easy. Still, the better question is: why in the world do we stay? What person in his right mind would actually choose this? Well, the truth is every UP student knows the answer to that. Yes, we can fight it and we deny it all we want, but we will always know it to be true in our hearts: IT'S WORTH IT.

Being "Tatak UP" is not about getting high grades and graduating with honors. Rather, it is graduating without honors and still breaking down when you finally note that sablay from one shoulder to the other, and in that moment being overcome with the realization that yes, indeed, it is worth it.

Taga-UP ka. Tatak UP ka.

BANGON. LABAN.

Then go out there and make us proud.

Tatak UP: Words to drag you through hell week."

I got this from: Robertson Rivera's post in Overheard at UP

I AM A UP STUDENT AND I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Midlife Crisis

I am at the peak of losing my sanity. 

Oh God, I really have no idea why but recently I have been nothing but every bit of a bitch. I easily get angry and if things don't go my way, it upsets me--and I do make quite an impression when I'm upset. I am almost always extremely difficult and selfish,and I am cranky all the time and I just want to end the lives of some motherfuckers. 

Maybe, I do know why. 

For one, I know that I am fucking pressured that fucking pass all my subjects this semester. I feel like my academics is hanging by a thread, not because I'm doing poorly, but because I might motherfucking mess this up again. I have been surrounded by such supportive people and they have been a big help in my acads recently, I just hope I don't let them down (as if i'm not pressured enough).

Another is that I am so fucking tired.

Maybe I ain't really good with managing my time but I feel like 24 hours is not enough to finish all the things I want to accomplish for that day in a day. I don't have enough rest, I don''t have enough 'calm moments'. I feel like everything's fast forward! 

Lastly, 

I feel so alone. 

Funny is it not? I'm always surrounded by people i'm close with but I feel so alone. I don't blame them, not even a single bit, In fact I chose to be in this kind of situation. I never really tell people my real problems. I know that they will not judge me nor they will condemn me, I know that they'll try to help me but, I don't know, I think I'd rather face all my problems alone. I really never wanted anyone's opinion because I feel like i'm pressured to take them and when I don't I disappoint them. I am such a pleaser. Even so, I still feel like I placed invisible walls around me and this solitary I have put myself in is taking its toll on me. #FML

when life is a fucking bitch.

'Cause I just can't tell you. 

http://talesthatishanttell.wordpress.com/2013/01/05/when-life-is-a-fucking-bitch/

sunshine and ganda: A true story

Robert and Ana's exchange of kiligs: CLICK HERE.
The only love story i loved with a bitter, sad and still unresolved ending. 

Moving On from you

'Cause I just can't tell you.

http://talesthatishanttell.wordpress.com/2013/01/05/moving-on-from-you/

Oh I forgot

"Hindi kanya gusto at hinding hindi ka niya magugustuhan. mag-move on ka na kasi wala kang mapapala sa kanya. Akala ko ba user ka?" 

Lunchdate

         Enjoyed a 1-hour date with little miss Karen D. We had Pesto and Raspberry iced tea at Kaska (kahit saan, Kahit ano) and it was delish. Anyway, the person with me has been MIA for almost forever, well, exaggerating aside, she's been MIA and I missed her to bits. She has been my buddy here in UPLB during my frosh days and It's hard to accept that we aren't even classmates in any of our subjects for the last 2 semesters, including this one. Even if we rarely hang-out now and then, I'm really happy that we're still friends. 

Bitch, we'll graduate soon. We'll roam around the country (first then the world) and blog all the yummiest food the world has to offer. I love you! Stay maldita. hihi jk.

xxx

____________________________________________________________________________

(c) Jo Villanueva

Win or Lose

Whether you win or lose the game

Don’t be too proud nor hide in shame

Someone must lose

Someone must win

For game results are all the same

When you happen to have the luck

Befriend your foe and do not mock

With hurting words please do not stab

For you’ll cause pain inside his heart

And when defeat becomes your fate

Hold your tongue and never hate

Smile pleasantly and merely wait

For luck will come some other date

This is the first poem I memorized.

all the words and the values it has 

are still etched clearly in side my brain. 

Like Desiderata, I  learned to follow this. 

Bold move.

Hang me if you like, 

Slap me if you're displeased.

I felt happy, I felt free.

If you think it's stupid,

well, maybe it is. 

But listen to me, will you?

I AM happy. I AM free. 

I'd understand if you wouldn't understand.

we are not alike, that's all.

I accept that. So go and judge me. 

What you say won't matter anyway,

so just be happy for me, for goodness sake. 

It's done and I'm over it. 

It cannot be undone, the pierce perfectly fits. 

Seniors, per se

The guys from Bloc SiJuan (C1) batch 2009 have come a long way and now, most of us are near end of our dependency to our parents. Even with the change of weather, different organizations or no organizations at all, and different sets of schedules, we managed to stay intact and we all remained friends. I am so happy to meet them and I super enjoyed the medyo conyo company that they give. No pun intended. I love them and I feel sorry for neglecting them for quite some time due to org related circumstances. I am proud to be part of this bloc because I believe that we are the most intact among the other AgEcon blocs in our batch. I hope when we all graduate, the contact and the relationship we all had will remain. God bless to all of us, batchmates! We will graduate soon! 

filing a request of replacement

October 7, 2012

Good day ma'am/sir,

              Greetings of peace! Although this may be at your most inconvenient time, I, Charina Joy Agbon Villanueva, would like to pass on a request of replacement for the person I am currently infatuated with. You may be displeased with the idea for I know that you have a bias for the person to be discharged. I, too, am saddened with the hasty decision that I am making but decisions have been made and reason will be laid out for transparency: 

               i. The person that will be terminated from the task has been a consistent
                  troublemaker. As a matter of fact, he is a consistent distraction which
                  is a probation against our code of infatuation.  

               ii. He does not fit the description of my mister right. His facial features
                  does not fit my specifics, neither is his body. He is a good manipulator,
                  better than I, which is highly unacceptable. Lastly, He lacks the
                  financial security that I am most strict with. Although, on a side note,
                  he is still a student though.
               iii. For the third reason and the last, I need to specify the need to reread
                   the sentence that will follow through, digest it carefully and I sincerely
                   hope it will sink in in both of our system.
                   He disobeys my orders just as he disobeys my heart.                   He refuse to love me back. 

Those written in black-and-white, I hope that you do consider my plea. I have served you for 19 years and I have been nothing but a darling to our system. It's time that we trade him for another, someone more convenient at the least. 

Thank you for understanding. 

God bless.

Yours Truly,

Charina Villanueva, President. 

Sasa's 18th

I'm the muse

1. Paul Joshua Alcachupas

    Mister Superficial 

2. Juan Carlos Santillan

Mister Romantic

 3. Miguel Delos Santos

Mister Funnyman

4. Bon Alistair Carpena

Mister Mysterious

5. Robert Julius Sosa

Mister High Class 

THE 10 COÑOMMANDMENTS

1. Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”.

ex. “Let’s make pasok na to our class!”

“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”

“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore! It’s in another building pa, you know?”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “diba” and “eh” in your pangungusap.

ex. “I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it’s like, so

eew, diba?”

“What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?”

“Eh as if you want naman also, diba?”

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang-uri!”

ex. “It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”

“I know right? So sarap nga, eh!”

“You’re making me inggit naman.. I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, ‘tsong” or “pare”

ex. “Dude, CHEM ENG. is so hirap, pare.”

“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh”

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!

ex. “My bag is so bigat today, you know”

“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book eh!”

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish .

ex. “I have so many tigyawats, oh!”

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?

ex. “Like, it’s so init naman!”

“Yah! The aircon, it’s, like sira!”

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your

sentence, you know, your pangungusap?

ex. “Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”

“It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?”

ex. “Like, OMG! It’s like traffic sa LRT”

“I know right? It’s so kaka!”

“Kaka?”

“Kakaasar!”

10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full

effect!

ex. “I’m, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!”

“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!”

(c) http://www.facebook.com/groups/NarinigKoSaUP/permalink/10151127656258369/

SO

"I can't give you the whole world and even if I can, I will not give you the whole world because it will not make you happy. What I can give you is my love, presence and support which can also be shortened for myself. I can give you myself because I swear I will make you happy." 

Swey  ♥

This is not a status update

Have you ever wonder if you like the person you are slowly becoming? Or now, do you like yourself now? Is this what you saw when you were a little girl imagining yourself as a teenager? 

I haven't, not until today.

     I don't know where these are all coming from but I don't like myself. I'm at a stage where I'm like a dry leaf floating wherever the wind is taking me. I have no goals, I don't know what I want to do in my life & I just let my fucked up 'destiny' make my next move. They say that this is normal for those people who are well off, people who least suffered from hunger or deprivation from material stuff, Well, fancy is it not? ugh! 

     What the hell do I want to do with my life? Has reality changed me and shattered even my wildest dreams? As of now, all I know is that I want to graduate soon and work.  What? I don't know. Where, i do not know either. In the end, I know that i'll end up working in my father's restaurant, but is that what I want? Have I accepted fact already that's why I'm left with no aspirations whatsoever? Will I be happy there and do I have the characteristics of a businessman? 

     I doubt myself, I doubt myself too much because I know myself. I know that i'm too lazy to work my butt off just to fulfill my dreams, but this can't be. I will not let laziness ruin my multi-neon-colored future. This week I shall write down my short term goals and long term goals with the following steps to achieve them. 

SO HELP ME GOD. 

____________________________________________________________________________

(c) Jo Villanueva

P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C

Oh holy crap.

I just saw how long he stared at her while she was walking away from our tambayan to go someplace else. To eat lunch, perhaps?

I had no idea how i was able to bear the whole scene,
but after looking at him, i felt the need to get out of that place and just be on my own.
to cry.
to feel hurt.
to pity my fvcked up self.

I was hungry and messed up jealous.
a very rare combination.
a very depressing combination.

My God. I why am I affected so much?
I need to stop getting so emotional whenever both of them are around.
it's just fvcking lame and pathetic.

crap. crap. crap. I think I had it bad, I had it real bad with him.
who does he think he is? why is he just so bloody charming?
OH CRAP. ENOUGH. NUFF. NUFF.
___________________________
what a pathetic not-so-little arse, Jo.

Get the bloody out of here. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

(c) Jo Villanueva

How?

Oh sweetie.

My ultimate taboo crush is head over heels in love with you but how can I hate you?
When God poured all the positive things a person can have, honey,
you were wide awake and you took them all.
Pffft.

You are too sweet,
you are soft spoken,
you are polite,
you care.

You're a good daughter,
You are kind,
You are smart,
you are beautiful,
Change that, you are SO SO BEAUTIFUL.

you love your friends,
they love you back and unfortunately,
i'm your friend too, and I, too, love you.

YOU ARE YOU.
how can i possibly hate you?

I also asked myself this, why should I even hate you?

It's not like you forced him to like you,
and I'm not sure, but I think you don't like him back.
You don't even try to flirt with him even when you've found out that he likes you.

all these jealousy is eating my soul whole.
SHIT. I should not be even thinking of hating someone because i'm jealous,
it's not fair and it's not right.
it's just fucking pathetic.

I so need to move on.

SO for Mister taboo crush,
from this day onward, I shall keep my heart on my sleeve. whatever that means.
what i'm trying to say is,
you are out of my pinterest. Imma be over you soon.
The next person i'm gonna like this way is going to be my future boyfriend.
Who will love me and take care of me like a princess.

I just can't like you anymore, my taboo crush.
You treat me like 'family',
you never take me seriously,
you make me fall..fall so deep just by smiling or
even just by looking me in the eyes (deep sigh),
and you hurt me so so bad, unintentionally.

(talking to myself) : yes, of course unintentionally, because FYI,
he doesn't care a single bit about your feelings.

SO NO. NO MORE. </3

_____________________________________________________________________________

(c) Jo Villanueva

Lookbook post

Someday, my kids will see this and will think,

"golly, mommy's so stylish even when she was in her teenage dream" 

*well, got my fingers crossed for the future

___________________________________________________________________________

(c) Jo Villanueva

Miss B

Mala- EASY, BREEZY, COVERGIRL. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

(c) Jo Villanueva

GO CAPPAS!

We enjoyed the afternoon serving the country by volunteering for flood victims.

We helped sort and pack the donations given by kind-hearted people and after that,

we gulp down bottles of Tanduay Ice and Antonov and chewed random junk foods

in one of the rooms in our dormitory. Just the break we needed. 

-CAPPA REGLA HOLA SORORITY-

sisters for life. ♥

_____________________________________________________________________________

(c) Jo Villanueva